I made him my priority, especially during 2012, because there are times in our life when we just have to decide
what’s most important and let go of everything
else. I knew I could pick up my work later. I knew my time with him was
limited.
I miss him deeply, but I’m not the kind of person to focus
on loss. I’m a positive and pro-active person and I want to remember and focus
on what was valuable about he left me. Some of that I want to share here
because at the beginning of a new year it is important to rethink our lives, to
ask what is most important and what we are going to do with our time as we move
through this year. How do we want to make a difference and where? It really starts with ourselves.
Let People Know How
Much We Value and Appreciate Them.
Only weeks before he died, Col
said to me: “I never knew how many people loved me.” Immediate and extended
family spent much time with him. In the early days, there were many parties and
get-togethers. Old university friends whom he’d only seen sporadically
travelled from around Australia to visit him. He wondered aloud whether people
would go back to the way they were after he died until someone else was dying
or whether they would continue to reach out to others as they had to him. These
people could have been an integral part of his life for the last 30 years, but
Col wasn’t good at keeping in touch.
Will we in 2013 stay in touch with
the people who love us? Will we let the people we love know how much we value
them?
This is also important at a
professional level, that we make sure that the people who have helped our
careers know how much we appreciate their help. We need to value and support
the people in our professional networks, developing reciprocal relationships of
support. We need to do this while they are alive, rather than travel a great
distance to attend their funeral when they have died.
No matter how long we
live, there will always be things we want to do but don’t get done. It is very
important that we do what is most important.
There was a period in Col’s illness when he became very
depressed about what he hadn’t done in his life. He came to realise what was
really important but he no longer had time to make it happen. He said to me
just the week before he died: “It’s tragic that something like this has to
happen before we realise what’s important.”
When we live through 2013, we need to ask ourselves whether
what we are doing is life enhancing or life destroying. Would we still take
this action, make this decision, stay in this job, work as much as we do, if we
knew that we had only this year to live?
Make each day count.
Now is all we have. Yesterday is passed and tomorrow may
never come. Never did Col contemplate he would die young. He had great plans
for his future. It did not occur to him that he wouldn’t have a future.
When we look back on each day during 2013, we need to ask
ourselves: How did I make a difference today? What impact did I have on my
workplace, my family, my community today? What impression did I leave? What was
my legacy today? Did I make today count?
Focus on what is
eternal, not what is temporary.
Most of us spend our lives putting great importance on all
the “things” that death causes us to leave behind. Col couldn’t take money or
possessions with him. We can’t take the high powered, prestigious job, the
imported car or the beautiful town house. These are all temporary, given to us
to hold for a short time.
What he leaves behind, however, is eternal – memories,
connections, relationships, love, care, support for friends, and so much more.
This is all the stuff which never dies. It is the Energy
that gives purpose to our lives. It is the Spirit that creates meaning.
In 2013, we will be happier and more successful if we ensure
there is a balance between the eternal and the temporary in our lives.
Be Grateful for What
We Have And Who We Are.
It’s easy to be overwhelmed with what isn’t happening in our
lives, for the “famine”, the losses, the missed opportunities, the injustice
and the unfairness. This was so for Col as he moved through his illness. But he
seemed to work it through eventually.
I spent the last 2½
days and nights of his life with him. Just hours before he lapsed into
unconsciousness, he looked at his wife and I each side of his bed and said: “I
am just so lucky”. I knew then that he had finally found peace.
In 2013, we can all live our lives saying: ”I am just so
lucky”. We can focus on what we have, rather than what we haven’t. I have a
Gratitude Book that I write in every day. To begin each day writing down what I
am grateful for in my life, sets a very positive focus for my day. When done
consistently over a long period, it creates a sense of abundance and richness
in our lives. So write in your Gratitude Book also in 2013 and change your
life.
Col, doesn’t have a 2013, but you and I do, so let’s make it
special, meaningful and purposeful.
Wonderful piece Maree Thanks for sharing it
ReplyDeleteThanks Maree for this special and humbling reminder.
ReplyDelete